Of course there are miracles, why would there be a course in miracles if there weren't any miracles. You sexy thing. I don't believe in miracles as much as I believe in a lucky streak. Good luck has to eventually run out and in my mind, this has nothing to do with god or karma. Come on jesus roll me a seven. Holy fuck a five and a two just when I needed it the most. I swear to god jesus that I will throw these dice down for the last time once I make enough money at this game to pay off all my dishonest debts honestly. Another 7, but this time is was a four & a 3. 5&2, 4&3 &6&1, which is hard to believe that this was done alphabetically for you non believers. Now let's do it numerically. five and two, four and three and one and six. I'm still in the game and for this I praise you dearly jesus. Your sweet name jesus rolls off my lips as I roll the dice. Snake eyes, You fucker you. A lightning bolt. oops...lost my head. THOMAS!!! yes dear lord, I lost my head for a moment. Come here and touch my wounds again. Will the real jesus please stand up. All three contestants stand. Not one of them is pretending to sit back down. One is a swarthy looking mid eastern male, the other is an overweight black woman from the bronx and the final contestant looks like michael jackson, which I'm sure will be disputed. Anyway, I'm not sure it's necessary to quit rolling the bones for any reason. Except maybe that you've tired of it and want to move on. Two fours, two threes, two two's , two and  a one, 1 & a five, 5& a three, seven and a possibility that is way beyond my comprehension. But please....have faith.

Nothing should be complete. Actually nothing can be complete. This life is a process. This land is your land this land is my land from here to the gulf coast whatevers. Property and territory are stupid. This is mine. Oh yeah, this gun is mine and I'm taking your mine over. End of point. Shift to another topic. How about my son's birthday today. He's 27 and weighed in at an even 9 pounds as the record shows. I don't like stupid. I know, I should never have used that word. I know, but when I said it, I thought it was appropriate and then, after it blurted from my mouth via the brain I had this mini thought that oops I chose the wrong word. And this has nothing to do with Sigmund. Sigmund has been replaced by medication. Trial and error chemistry. Try this for a bit and if it makes you feel like killing yourself call me before you do. What should I do if it makes me feel like killing someone else. I'm not sure, maybe you should see a psychiatrist. What insurance plan do you have. Very limited. And yet, I think I would feel much better if I had some prettier nails and a lot less cavities. And possibly a different nose. And maybe a different mother and father for the next time around. Or a different line of demarcation. Or an evolutionary ascension. Or a transfiguration. Or maybe just an end to the feeling that there's something out there that is more than this. Or the knowing that what it is that I want to add is frivolous, and it all adds up regardless. But wait...one more thing...this land is your land...be free. feel free to fuck around. Pow a firecracker expodes in celebration.

Silly me, I have no idea of someone's heaven or hell. But I could make believe. So, from here on in, let us pretend. I was talking to Mike the other day...a man I never met on this plane...and I asked him, what's it like being dead. There was no reply. I asked him again and of course you probably know the answer. He didn't say the burden was lifted, he actually said nothing at all. I surmised it was because he was still mad at me for posting his picture on the internet. I should have given him credit for snapping a shot of that old barn...or was it an old mountain...damn my memory is so shallow. I imagine his wife is pretty sad. He left without saying goody-bye. Or maybe he did when he uttered to her...good night honey, I love you, I'll see you in the morning. Death is so stupid.I'm not dumb, I know we all have to die, but death pisses me off because of its timing. There's this sweet line from an old song that goes: I love you in a place where's there's no space or time...but guess what, it's not so sweet now that you're really gone. You fucking piece of shit you. And now, even though I believe we will meet again, I'm really not sure. We took a vow that mentioned something like... until death do us part, actually I'm not even sure if we said that, or we both had our fingers crossed behind our backs...or maybe most of our relationship was unspoken when we committed to one another, or maybe you never really existed and this pain that I'm feeling now is not really real. Regardless, I have this void and real or not, I want some sort of sign from some sort of nebulous entity that there's more to this than just simple faith. I want you GOD, to shout me a message from the heavens of my dreams. Amen. And if this should happen, it's Tom's heaven too. & ours too.

The other day I had gone to a local little fair with my bride and Cammi, the young girl she nanny's. Cammi will be four next month. Mary Grace the bride doesn't  care for the ferris wheel ride at all. Cammi though wanted to go on it. If you are over 36 inches tall you can ride the ferris wheel with an adult. Cammi was an inch or more beyond that line that was posted by the entrance gate. I think if you're over 48 inches tall you can ride it alone. If you're a midget, you may be fucked. Excuse me, call the manager. This is where it's good to have an individual that's pretty quick thinking taking tickets and seating folks for the ferris wheel. Someone who's capable of being the judge and jury in a moment. Someone who can look at the situation and not panic and make a decision that won't fuck up the fifteen to twenty other people waiting in line to get on the ride. For me, as impatient as I am most of the time, I've learned to enjoy being in situations that I can't control. And believe me, there are times you can't help being in a long line. There are times you just can't say...fuck it, I'm outta here. Which is untrue. You always have a choice. But I think, staying in line sometimes is a noble thing to do. It helps cultivate patience. Besides, lines are good for people watching....especially when they're those long and winding loopty loop sort of thing, that eventually you keep checking out the same people all over again. And sometimes really, that's quite pleasant. A second opinion is better if you've had some time to suspend judgment and view your thoughts once again with more information and possibly a different perspective. Regardless, the other day it was pretty cool to be on the ferris wheel....and in the picture can you spot the chicken ass bride below...I wish I had an arrow, but cupid already shot it. No, we're not stuck...as soon as the people get off below us, this thing will start moving again. There is a jerk. And a sensual movement.

I don't always spend my time checking out how people sign their name, but there are times when I wonder the process of their evolution. But I can only speak for myself. I came across my army discharge papers the other day and I wondered what happened to the cute little boy/man who signed so neatly. Nuns are pretty good at keeping their signature pretty much intact for most of their lives. Except for maybe dementia and sr. helen prejean and a handful of other activist nuns. And now, I read in the morning news that the vatican wants to take a closer look at the diminishing number of catholic nuns in the US. And it seems they are questioning why.  I really should read the article in its entirety before I blog on it, but I already threw the morning paper in the recycle bin in the basement. But stop Tom, this is about justice and even though a lot of people who will read this blog probably won't care about what's going on in the catholic church and their nuns, I may have to get off my ass and pluck that article out of the bin so I can at least pretend to know what I'm talking about.  But, the article may be full of skewed data, so how might any of this stuff make sense anyway. You must trust. brb. OK...so now let met read. I may go back to sloppy signatures...bear with me. Well, I won't bore you with this any longer. It is about shrinking. In the sixties in the US had approximately 180,000 nuns and today  there are fewer than 60,000 with most of them elderly and infirmed. I think the key thing is the visitation. Someone ordered that a visitation of convents should be in order so that a dialog can be had. And of course some view the notion of a visitation as an invasion. And me, I say fuck transparency. To me it's dangerous, it's like humor getting into the wrong hands. It's no wonder we change our signature as we evolve in intelligence. It's not about obscurity or security...it's about freedom from what the authorities taught us. It's about assumimg our own sense of indentity.

Dyngus day is such a fine tradition here in Buffalo, NY. We have a parade and a ton of celebration before and after the parade, Dyngus day falls on the monday immediately following easter sunday. Immediately following the 40 days of lent according to the moon. This was a celebration that followed forty days of fasting. Personally, I've fasted in my life, and to me, it was mostly stupid, so rather than give up something for more than a month of my life, I decided to give up something proportionally daily. I'm not much of a mathematician, but I figure that 40 days is a certain percentage of the year and that percentage can applied to each and every day...instead of doing something that you agonize over for a full forty days, why not do something consciously for a certain amount of minutes per day.Lose ten pounds in less than forty days by doing this....for forty seconds every forty minutes of every day...breathe deep and smile broadly. And, do you know the difference if your breath is shallow or your smile is less than genuine.Or, it may be time to jump the rook and capture the knight. God save the queen and the pawns who fish for the prawns we love to eat.

Of course not. Anyway, it's rather late for this brain of mine to sit down and blog tonight, but I will regardless because I feel as though it's a form of discipline that I so much seem to need. Which is bunk. I was going to use the word bullshit, but I probably overuse it, so bunk is the word of the night. But bunk also reminds me that I'm getting tired and it may be time to bunk down. I haven't bunked since my army days. When I was a kid I used to think bunk beds were cool, until I got into the army. Then, I thought, how strange it is, to bunk with a stranger. I can't remember ever being on the top bunk, but how I was able to avoid that after serving 3 years in the army, I'm not quite sure. I must have bulshitted my way around it. Which reminds me, I found a manilla envelope full of my b&w negatives form the sixties and seventies. There is a shitload of stuff from vietnam. I have no photographs because I loaned them out to a friend who used them for a photo exhibit and never returned them. I have no idea if this friend is still alive because he moved out of town shortly after the exhibit. The one time I saw him before he left he told me that he still has my photographs and he will return them. That was over thirty years ago. For now though, it seems that what he said, was a lot of bunk. The fact that I mention this event every so often would indicate to me that I yearn to have my photos back. Not really so. It's like everything else that's passed in my life. It's almost gone. But, to find these negatives today, I'll have the opportunity to reconstruct some of the bullshit from my past and put a 21st century twist to it. I can steal, but I can't rob. And that has made all the difference.

It's no longer that time anywhere. And fuck now too. & eckhart tolle too. no not really. didn't he write something cool about this stuff anyway. Are you mocking? Today I will let live the name eckhart. If I am fortunate to be born again after now and I am also fortunate to bear a child I will name this daughter child of mine eckhart tessie. Or better yet, Genevieve. Genevieve eckhart tessie. Get it? I don't and I'm glad I didn't. So at times it may make you wonder...who's in charge. I am. You is. We be all am. maam. how do you spell apostrophe?  yessum. Today is the first day for the rest of your life even though today is more than half way over and you won't be paid for a full day. wwjd? Of course Jesus would pay you for the full day....and jesus (really I don't know what jesus would do) but I would surmise, that jwd nothing more than leave it up to you. And that's probably the coolest thing about jesus. Jesus leaves me alone. Jesus has set me free. & for this I am forever grateful. I almost feel like saying amen, but I'm not quite ready, I am grateful for this too. Esophagus. That is also something I am grateful for. And my scrotum, spleen, liver, lungs, glands, gonads (jeepers, is there sucha thing?) and eyeballs too, not to mention (how dumb) becuase to say not to mention is really the preface to mention all the shit you really should have said, but were held back, by who knows what.  We is,

Nothing is original. And the jerk off who talks about original sin is old hat too. Let's face it folks, our first thoughts were gesture. Unspoken conjecture. Somewhere people are applauding a rendition of somewhere there's a place for us. You have an amazing voice. My answer is yes....because you are going to las vegas. And guess what, don't believe that if you jerk off in the bathroom over there it will stay there. And of course, most people around the world could give a shit less about such an incident, but then again, some may have a god that cannot ignore such shit. What the hell do I know about god and judgments anyway, I don't pretend to be a god. But, I sure would like to meet up with god face to face one of these days and have a have a decent conversation with god and share a 40 ounce bottle of miller high life and a ninety nine cent bag of barbecued pork rinds. On earth as it is in heaven. For me anyway. And if god can't make it, why not send lisa minelli instead. forty years ago maybe. Time is not relevant here, only the pretense of originality. I actually feel bad that I don't see a lot of people giving the finger lately. Or giving the thumb. Where's your thumb now? You can't even say...right up my ass because that wouldn't be original. Is jerk off a male perspective. I think I'm going to jerk on tonight. An element of trust. God, you're lucky you started the sentence otherwise I'd be in the lower realm.

           

This is how this damn thing starts. I was checking out some photos for tonight's blog. I came across this snapshot taken in the Rackham auditorium at the university of michigan while waiting on my son's faux graduation from law school. I say faux because it really was a ceremony for ceremony sake because the students still had another couple of weeks to finish their coursework before they could officially get their diploma. Anyway, I really don't feel like talking about that experience. But what made me pause tonight was the fact that my son is sitting directly behind me tonight studying for his upcoming bar exam next week. It's been agonizing for me just to watch him spend so  much time and effort cramming for this exam. And I have a ton of empathy for all those thousands of other students that will be taking a bar exam somewhere across the united states next week. I officially wish them well right now. Good luck. And may the goddess tara hover over their plumes especially during the multiple choice section of the test and nudge these hand held plumes toward the correct answers like one would experience when using a ouija board. Yes, even for those who didn't study well. After all, this is going to be a miracle that I'm orchestrating from this laptop here tonight, And maybe you should do the same...but please, only if you know that you possess the power of prayer. My words fly up, my thoughts remain below; Words without thoughts never to heaven go. Gosh, it was so much fun to steal that from shakespeare tonight. Huck Finn said, you can't pray a lie. I stole that from samuel. Mark my words. Amen. What the fuck are you talking about?
....(there was silence)...            Now listen to this please.  The way this things ends is that I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I am not able to post the picture. After a while this notice pops up on my screen...413 request entity too large.  This is much like prayer. There must be a basic know how somewhere out there. And what you see posted is not the what I wished for you to see.