I must confess that I miss you. Forgive me for departing so abruptly. I had to shit. I know there's been movies similar to this experience, most notably the one with Ben Stiller, who for some reason I don't much care for. Which is odd, because I have not met him personally to converse. Would I like Ben Stiller face to face over a cup of tea. Or Phyllis Diller too for that matter. Or that fucking lanky goofy guy with the big teeth or Martha Stewart or any other other character that comes within the boundaries of my scope. I like you...I dislike you. You're a good guy...and you're not so good. You're a good woman and I like you more 'cause you're so damn bad. And you out there, whoever the hell you are...you're a pimp. Here's a question for you tonight...is a pimp lower than a whore, or are they equals. wtfwjd. My bet is, that we're all in this shit together. Jesus fucking freaks, far sighted jews, stinky muslims, wishy washy agnostics, & how can I post this when there is no god to bless me atheists. btw, since the muslim world owns the internet...I really don't believe they are stinky....I actually think they're pretty cool....they sell me beer even when their license has been suspended for 20 days because they got caught selling to minors. And you know what, stink is just about as vulgar as retard. I don't think bastard is a big thing anymore, but what the hell do I know. So actually, I'm pretty much saying something about nothing. But saying that....I'm glad I popped back in here tonight...and I want you to know....I love you.

Our first daughter Malina was born on this day twenty-five years ago. I remember the day well. We were scheduled for a 10am appointment at the hospital to determine if my wife was going to have to be induced into labor because she was already 10 days past her due date. I had just come back from a 4 mile jog and was in the yard puttering around in the garden when my wife suddenly opened the kitchen window and asked: how long are you going to be farting around over there...I think I'm going into labor. Holy shit, don't panic...let me panic from here on in. For us, birth was always a mystery. We never knew if we were having a boy or a girl so, we always had two names going on just in case. If Malina would have been a boy...I'm pretty sure we had the name Jacob picked out. We already had our Luke so we figured Luke and Jake would be a nice combo. So why not name the child Jake to begin with you might be thinking....nah, that would be too easy. I love how names take on different variations. Malina is an unusual name and from what I've read...it's a Spanish derivative of Magdalena...but it's also a Polish word for berry...and my wife also accuses me of always wanting to make things sound Polish. Like when I used to call Malina... Malina Mooshniego when she was a toddler. Mooshniego is not Polish, but to an Irish bride, it probably sounds that way. The same goes for our Kellie Noel who I tagged with Kelka Noelka. And Julie Rose became Rousa and she now is lovingly called Rose by me and Luke sometimes was called Lukasz and sometimes Boogie Luke...but now Luke suffices. Sometimes nicknames stick...why I don't know. But today Moosh is 25 and as much as I love Malina....I'm glad moosh had some staying power. And with all my kids....I danced with them all in the front room with Dr John singing....such a night.  What a crazy song...what a blessed life I have.

today in ann arbor packing son's stuff in car so we can haul it back home so he can haul it off to his next station in life. It's hot and and so what. I'm taking a break. I don't like using his laptop because he has no mouse. We will be leaving sometime tomorrow morning. But, we have to enjoy a few pints of pale ale later on after the packing is done. Right now he's arranging what should go and what should stay. I will help with the grunt work when it's all arranged. This is a chunk of his life that I'm sure he will miss. All of his friends have gone their seperate ways, connected now by cell phones and the internet. The last time I was at this apartment it was robust with chatter and party, Ok....so here's some song ...and then...after the song.....maybe some rest...and maybe some quiet.

Do yourself a favor wake up to your mind life is what you make it you see and still you're blind. Just another song from a long time ago. Some may remember it and some may think it's so new. It doesn't matter....keep smiling each phase of your life.  I'm not a preacher or a philosopher, mostly I'm a bullshitter. But there are times I actually believe what I'm saying or writing has an element of truth to it. And really I know better than that. Usually anyway. Hopeful illusion seems like a good explanation of of how I feel mostly. I love love, but it's so intangible. It's really real the way I feel. And that was just another line from a song. I would say that every word here is a line from a song. It caught you. It caught me too. We too. Whee. What do you think the most popular song is besides om mani padme hum ? It's yidra. Say yidra ten thousand times and it's yours and you and yidra are all together possibly sitting in an english garden to wait for the sun. And then, you are content that you know the walrus' plight and you know that you have to do no more than to just sit quietly and breathe deeply until the next book that you're looking for will give you better directions. In the meantime though, you may think you have achieved what you were searching for. That's fine. You may even have to die with that in mind.

I love to nest in my comfort zone but it's getting a lot less easy to do. Mostly because the nest rearranges at a lot quicker pace than I can sometimes handle. And I'm not even sure if this is true and I'm not even sure why I'm even writing about it tonight.But I have to, because I had this thought in mind for this blog and suddenly it went poof.  Of course things change...I mean could you imagine an existence where everything just fucking stands still. This is going nowhere. The bride and daughters just came in and we are all discussing the drama they just experienced elsewhere. A change within a change that I was thinking I would talk about tonight. And there is so much kitchen drama going on in here right now that I can't even think straight. Ha. I love it though, because in this crazy reality of our household there's about three different stories going on simultaneously There's the story from the gathering of the afternoon at Aunt Fanny's apartment to clean out her stuff, the story of Kellie being pissed at her 4th of July week end schedule at the pizza place she works at, the story of a brother in law being bitchy because he's constipated and a few other stories too....especially the dogs we harbor getting overly excited about all the dramatic dialog going on in between me shouting shut up goddamit over their whining. And so, this has been going on since cavemen days. It's all about fucking and the consequences of that thoughtless animal act. And for a moment it got quiet. It worried me a bit. It was a tad longer than a lull. I looked up. Two must have had to go pee. I collect my thoughts again wondering what it was I cared to say tonight. It's thundering, Nothing anymore....and yet....there's always more....or less or maybe even hope.