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QaR
July 2009 
flamboyance
Posted on Nov 22nd, 2008
by 
maze
maze
Beyonce...not necessarily. A new car. Possibly. Charisma. I'm not sure. Borderline dangerous. Depends. For much longer. Hopefully not. So, what are you telling me. Thank god for creating extremes. And why is that. So we can find the middle. Regardless, I am not going to play with the thought process that I was on. I want to tell you about tomorrow. I am going across the border on into Canada. I am amazed at what a huge pain in the ass this simple procedure of going from my home to mimi's home could possibly end up being. Where were you born. Buffalo. What is your reason for coming into Canada today. To have lunch. Are you bringing anything over with you other than the clothes you're wearing. No. I smell apple pie. Well actually, I am bringing a homemade apple pie for our lunch this afternoon. Did you get an agricultural permit for the apples you used to bake your pie. No sir. Well, you'll have to pull over to the right and ask for a permit application and fill it out and pay twenty Canadian dollars and they may issue you a permit. What do you mean may. Simple, there are no guarantees ever since 9/11. So, can I turn around and just go back home. That may be a possibility, but we may have to confiscate the pie. And what about the vanilla Ice cream in the cooler. Did you get a dairy permit for that sir. No, I didn't get any fucking permits for anything. Watch your language sir. Hey, take a shit, there's about five cars in back of me, why are you jerking me around. Pull over to the furthest right station and they are going to strip your car and strip your clothes and make you spread your cheeks. Fuck you....a huge u turn occurs, a screech and a scent of burning rubber permeates the air and a whirr whirr whirr of flashing red provincial lights are seen and heard from my rear-view mirror. Blasting from a weird sounding loud system are the words...PULL OVER....PULL OVER. And now I'm home, and I'm not even close to being under any form of house arrest. How the hell did he get away from us....you guys will pay for this. Excuse me sir, I'm a gal. Yes, and quite a cutie too. Can you do me a favor. What's that sir. Can you bake me an apple pie. From scratch. Sure.
Liberace 1983 Performance
Access: Public
lol…ur a trip…*
I always feel stress crossing over the border to the States and back. They're always interrogating me. Here's hoping you cross over smoothly with that apple pie and ice cream so we can all enjoy it! See you at lunch.
Reminds me of the time when I landed in Mexico with a sextant, an inflatable boat, three sets of rough weather gear and a stack of Playboy magazines. The customs official wanted me to take the 80 lb. inflatable boat out of the stuff sack until he found the strategically placed Playboy magazine. His eyes lit up and he exclaimed, “Ah pornographo!” My response, “Es para usted senior,” and then I didn't have take the boat out. I still had 5 more copies of Playboy to trade for stuff like abalone.
Hope you have fun.
Have a wonderful visit with mimi and liza! ooooh they're soo lucky! apple pie and ice cream? yummers. I am so envious that you aren't on the west coast.
<3 peri
That's so funny…and the weird thing is you are right! Love you
You got into my car and took a picture of the steering wheel? I hope you at least cleaned all the snow off the car first!
He took a close up of my lamp shade ( on his first visit to my place) and used it for one of his blog pieces. He is either a genius or a madman - or just being maze, something wonderful. He sees a picture where and like no one else does. He's aMAZEing. And he made themost delicious apple pie I have ever tasted. The pastry was all flakey but not greasy. Yummmy! He made it across the border both ways without any trouble. WhooHoo!
Glad he made it safely, and all the drama bein' just stuff in his head to entertain us. And what great stuff it is. Like Peri, I'm so envious. Why can't we visit with Maze on the West coast?
It's as American as Apple Pie. (just had to say that)
Also, Janine, that story about the Playboys is a HOOT! You are a genius, girl! :) Of course, we already knew that, but this defintiely breaks new ground, which is very different from “breaks new wind.” Pornographo! :) What a funny word. Do you think there are people who are, like, turned on by farts?
Martha, You mean a fartophile ! ? …w00t!
IS there such a thing? I mean, I have no doubt that there are some folks out there who are turned on by the smell of gaseous secretions. But do they have a name for that? flatulophilia? :)